Current...Past...Sin...Alexander...Forum...Notes...Survey...D-land

Darkness
2002-12-23 - 5:48 p.m.

Darkness. Darkness around me. Darkness in me. Sitting there, I felt nothing. Not even the pain of the bloodlust that I knew was probably there.

I had told him. I did not tell him everything I felt, but the basic idea came out. I told him I had slept with Jay, basically cheating on him. I told him I hated him. And I could not even cry about it. Not the way one should end a relationship, but it was a way out. I could live without Sindor, right? I told you I felt nothing, that includes no pain over Sindor. No regret.

A light came on above me in the dark basement. It swung back and forth as Ella descended the stairs. She set it in a ring on the wall to illuminate the room.

"Happy now?" I asked, unfeelingly.

"Lex, you know that I am not," she replied. "I told you to talk to him, not yell at him."

"I could not help it. He made me so..." I put my hands on my head, trying to hold in the rage.

"Lex, what are you going to do now?" she asked, sitting down in front of me.

"I plan on opening a school to teach the art of fencing," I told her bluntly.

"And about Sindor?"

"I do not really care right now."

I wrenched myself on to me feet and walked up into the house. Ella followed me. We spent some of that night moving furniture down to the basement to make room. We carried all of the carpets as well.

I stood staring at the wall between the front room and the dining room later on in the morning hours.

"Want to knock it down?" I asked as Ella came into the room from her last trip to the basement.

"Sure."

I hit the wall hard with my fist. I left a large hole where I had hit. I kept pounding that damned wall as hard as I could, which was pretty damn hard considering I am a vampire. All the rage and anger and pain I felt just came out of me. There was quite a large gap in the wall before Ella pulled me away from it, my knuckles bleeding.

"I am fine," I told her, pulling away.

"Take a break. You are bleeding."

"No. This feels too good."

The sun was so close to rising, and I could feel it coming, and yet I could not let go of that wall. Every time I hit it, I felt like I was hitting Sindor. I wanted to hit that wall. I had knocked down almost all of it before Ella had to drag me down to the basement, where we both spent the day.

I woke up on one of the couches in the basement. Ella was sprawled on another couch across from me. She made a slight noise.

"I am going out," I muttered to her.

"What?" she asked drowsily. "Where are you going?"

"I am going out," I repeated. "I must feed. Finish that wall while I am out, okay?"

"Okay, but Lex?" she called to me as I ascended the stairs.

"Yes?"

"Come back soon."

"I will."

I was still not really hungry. The emptiness inside of me was leaving no room for hunger. I craved something else though.

I found myself in a brothel in the darker part of the heart of the city an hour after sunset. Young males walked around in abundance. I eyed all of them as I made my way to a back table. One of the males, a tall blond teenager, who reminded me of Jay, walked over to me. He asked me if I wanted anything. I told him I wanted his company. He sat down on my lap. I spent the next half hour teasing him. The thought of killing him never crossed my mind. I just wanted the boy's body, not his blood.

As the boy invited me upstairs, I spied Adhemar coming into the brothel. I laughed at the thought of his knowledge of this place. Sindor followed him inside. I turned away from the door and continued to follow the boy.

"Lex!" shouted Adhemar, spotting me on the stairs.

The boy stopped. "Isn't that you?"

"Unfortunately, my dear. But heed them no mind. Continue," I smiled at the boy again.

Sindor came bounding towards us, Adhemar behind him.

"Lex! Come down here!" he shouted, excited and yet aware of something he did not like.

I stopped at the top of the stairs, and I wrapped me arm around the boy's shoulders, hugging him close to me. I looked down at Sindor, and I gave him a slight smile. The boy opened a nearby door, and I followed him inside, leaving Sindor stunned.

Alexander