Current...Past...Sin...Alexander...Forum...Notes...Survey...D-land

Evening Thoughts
2002-07-12 - 10:35 a.m.

I was aboard a ship that was carrying a plague, which I only seemed immune. Every night someone would die. I thought it amusing no one noticed my immunity and calmness about it, but thought it best that they did not.

Every night I would sneak up on someone in the shadows that befell the ship. And in the morning, I assumed anyway, the body would be found, but no cause. And the body would be flung over the port side, in case it did hold the plague.

After my evening meal, I would sit in the aft and think about Sindor. It was the same every night. I would watch what I was leaving in the new world and mourn that leaving.

My thoughts were these: Why did I leave him? Because he was all I cared about. I just wanted him, maybe even at the price of his brother. How could he love me when I only cared to hold him and kiss him, and I did not care for his life, or his brother? A vampire has different aspects on love. I already have eternity, I do not need to play to my partner's ideas and feelings when I know we will be together forever. Humans are different. They do not have eternity, therefore they must love everything about their partner from the start so that they can share what precious time they have together in love. That is why I left him. I could not love a human. Sindor was looking for a person who would love every aspect of him right away, but I can not do that. And I am looking for someone who will take their time with me. I had to go back to Jay, he was the only one who could. Unless I turned Sindor, but I could not do that.

Alexander