Current...Past...Sin...Alexander...Forum...Notes...Survey...D-land

The First Argument
2002-07-14 - 9:14 p.m.

The next evening, I ventured over to Jay's house to take Sindor out again. I felt almost like a human boy again, asking permission from some young girl's father if I could take her to the opera. Except this time, there was no father and no girl.

"They have an apartment? Where?" I asked Jay.

"Down the street, I think. I really don't know. I suppose you will have to wait until they come by here," he replied. "Why don't you come inside?"

I walked in the open door and stood next to Jay in the hall. He closed the door and looked at me. I felt nervous all over just being in the same room as him. I felt that since I left him for someone else, there was bad feelings between us.

He touched my cheek. "He doesn't have to know, if you still want me."

I pulled away from him.

He laughed. "I was just joking, Lex."

"No, you were not. Jay, please do not do this. I want you to be my friend, not just some ex-lover who would not mind killing my new lover."

He laughed again. "Alright, Lex. I will try to stop. I see the love in your eyes for that boy. But, I don't think I can be just friends with you, Lexy." He put his hand on my cheek again.

I turned my eyes away. He moved closer to me and hugged me. I even let him kiss my cheek. His embrace felt heavenly, and I remembered why I loved him in the first place, but I knew it was wrong. I loved Sindor more.

He kissed me, long and soft.

There was a knock on the door, and I moved back from Jay. Jay looked at me with a very sad expression on his face.

"Maybe you should leave Paris, Lex. It would make it easier for the both of us," he said as he turned to open the door.

I nodded in agreement. Then I saw Sindor standing on the porch through the open door. Ella and Adhemar were right behind him.

"Well, hello," said Jay, dropping his sad demeaner. "Why don't you come in?"

They filed in, and I led them back to the sitting room. We all sat around, staring at each other, silently. Sindor was sitting next to me on a couch.

I finally had a thought, and spoke up. "Ella, what did you do with Sebrine?"

"Who's Sebrine?" asked Jay, sounding a little hurt, staring at me again like I had another lover up my sleeve.

"His pet tiger. I left her with plenty of food, I promise," replied Ella.

Then Jay stood up. "I don't know about you three, but I am starving. I think I will go find myself a nice young black haired, green eyed man to share the night with."

He looked intently at me before turning to leave. Ella and Adhemar followed after him, but I stayed with Sindor.

After the front door closed, Sindor practically jumped on me. He kissed me all over too. He acted as though he had not seen me in years.

"What is your problem?" I asked between kisses.

Sindor moved away from me. "Are you alright?" he asked out of the blue.

"Why do you think there is something wrong with me?"

"When Jay opened the door, and I saw you, there was a look of sadness in your eyes."

"So you think throwing yourself at me is going to help that?" I asked, a little more coldly than I meant.

He was taken aback. He looked away from me. A moment later he said, "I suppose seeing me after being with Jay brings sadness to you."

Now I was taken aback. "Why do you say that?"

"I see the way you two look at each other. I know he loves you, and you love him. And how he wants you. I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to kill me."

"Shut up," I yelled, jumping to my feet. "I may have feelings for Jay, but I have put them behind me for you, Sindor. I love you more than anything. I have known that for a long time. And if you think that I would be with Jay behind your back, then maybe you do not deserve to be with me."

He started to cry. "I'm sorry," he wimpered.

I was enraged, and I could not calm down. I left him there and walked down the street. I found a passing thief on the way back to my apartment, and I killed him, slowly. I even hoped him pain.

My thoughts kept going back to lying to Sindor. I had been with Jay behind his back. Twice now. I felt awful. I even felt like running away again, even if it was from Sindor, my lover. I even laughed to myself at how pathetic I was, running away whenever my emotions got too high.

As I mounted the stairs up to my apartment, Sindor came running up behind me.

He shouted at me, "I said I was sorry, Alexander! I can't help feeling this way. Every time I see you and Jay together, I get jealous!"

I put my hand over his mouth. "Be quiet! It is in the middle of the night!" I whispered urgently.

I took him up to my apartment and pushed him inside. He turned on me as soon as the door was closed.

"You came to me. You are the one that loved me first. And now you think me wrong for feeling jealous and questioning it."

"You have every right to be jealous, Sindor. Jay will not leave me alone to be with you. Twice now he has kissed me. The last time was right before you knocked on the door," I explained, not being able to lie to him any longer.

Sindor looked shocked and sat down on a chair, hurt.

"It is getting harder to push him away, Sindor. Even for you. I have to leave Paris, and I have to leave it soon."

He sat there, crying a little. I sat down across from him. We sat there, not looking at each, for a couple of hours. Then I felt the sun rising.

"I have to go Sindor," I said, standing.

"Can I stay with you?" he asked.

"You can stay here."

"No, I mean with you. In your coffin."

He looked sincerely into my eyes. I knew at that moment that he understood the battle that I fought inside myself, and he wanted to help.

"I do not think it very wise, Sindor. It is small, and you will have no air."

He nodded and looked down again. I took him in my arms. I kissed him, and I let him go.

"Maybe some other time," I whispered.

I then went to my coffin and got inside.

Alexander