Current...Past...Sin...Alexander...Forum...Notes...Survey...D-land

Loneliness and Bloodplay
2003-06-08 - 1:32 a.m.

I waited longer still, but Alexander never returned. I was beyond worried.

About an hour before daylight arrived, Ella came back home, looking weary and disappointed.

"Ella?" I asked. "What is wrong? Have you seen Alexander? I am worried; he isn't back yet�"

"Sindor�" Ella began slowly. "Alexander told me� that he needs to go away for a while�"

Her words wounded me instantly. "Why? What's happened? Where did he go? Is he alright?"

"He told me� to keep his whereabouts secret, Sindor," Ella replied. "He says he wants to be alone� He says he will be back soon�"

"Why� didn't he tell me?" I said, feeling tears coming to my eyes. "Why does he want to be alone? Is it because of Adhemar and Henmi�?"

"Sindor� he did not want to hurt you�" Ella said sorrowfully.

"Well, he has�" I said, looking to the ground. Sebrine looked up at us and growled loudly, seeming to understand what had happened. Sebrine then ran angrily down to the basement.

I continued, "He didn't even� take our coffin� What if something happens to him? I'm so worried� Why didn't you try to stop him?"

"I did, and he would not listen, Sindor," Ella answered with sympathy. "Alexander does what Alexander wishes to do, and that is that� I am sure he will be fine�"

"When is he coming back?" I said, feeling overcome with loneliness.

"I do not know, Sindor�"

I stood up and turned from her, walking up the stairs to my room. I could not believe that this had happened again. I was so worried, and confused, enraged and lonely all at the same time. I walked to my coffin and collapsed inside of it, sobbing, wondering why I had even expected Alexander to stay with me from now on. I should have expected nothing from him, that way, I would not be disappointed when I received just that. I stayed there until the next evening.

When I awoke, my thoughts were still on Alexander. He would not tell me where he was going, he would not take me with him, he just left, did he care at all about me, why did he leave me alone, why did he need to be alone? I turned onto my stomach and laid my forehead against my arms, my tears starting up again anew.

Just then, I heard my bedroom door open and then close again gently. Someone gently lifted my coffin lid, but I had no intention of getting up. Whoever it was, I decided, would not convince me to get up.

"Arnon, get up, please." It was Adhemar. Who else would be there to comfort me while Alexander was gone? I shook my head, otherwise refusing to move.

He put a hand on my shoulder. "Look at me, atleast. I need to talk to you."

I sighed. I knew he would never leave me be if I did not listen to what he had to say, so I sluggishly turned over and looked up at Adhemar, who was kneeling next to the coffin, my eyelashes matted with crimson tears.

He sighed and pulled me into his arms. "Ella told me what happened. Arnon, why do you take this from him?"

Resting my head against Adhemar's shoulder, I said, "Because I love him�"

"This is not love, kid; this is stupidity," Adhemar fiercely. "How can you stay with him when he continuously leaves you? Just last week, you� and now he leaves! He does not care about you at all."

"Yes, he does�" I insisted weakly.

"How can you stand it?" Adhemar asked bitterly.

"I can't stand it� I can't stand it at all�" I replied slowly.

"Then why�?" Adhemar asked. "Why don't you just leave him?"

"Don't say that�" I replied wearily. "Don't ever say that. I will never leave Alexander� What would happen without him�? I don't even want to think about it�"

"What would happen?" Adhemar repeated, brushing his hand across my tear smeared face, then bringing his hand in front of my face. "You'd never see these again, that's what would happen."

I sighed and hid my face against the crook of his neck. "I� I'm jealous�"

"Of who?" he asked, confused.

"Of Henmi�." I said, feeling defeated.

He was silent for a moment, before saying, "Why, kid?"

"Because� you are so good to him�" I said earnestly. "You love him so much� You go places with him, you relish his company, he adores you, and you adore him� I wish Alexander was like that�"

Adhemar, trying to cheer me up, replied, "Perhaps I could cut my body in two, and you each could have half."

I snorted in amusement. "I prefer you all together. So does Henmi."

"�I told him what happened, kid," he said. "He said he will move somewhere else. He just wants you to be happy."

"But it isn't fair!" I said with angst. "Alexander lets Ella live here, and I am sure if Ella had a lover, he would get to live here, too. Alexander only cares about his desires� It isn't fair�"

"He will never change, Arnon," Adhemar replied. "If you want him to be happy, then we have to leave� right?"

"But I do not want you to leave�" I answered. "It was going to be perfect� I would get to be with you and Henmi every night� But now he has to do this� Why did he even let you in if he did not truly want you here? It would have hurt me less if he had said 'no' before letting you come here. But no, he always has to be the constant masochist, and then run away. I hate it�And he did not even tell me where he was going� I am so worried�"

"Where else would he go, Arnon?" Adhemar asked with a sigh. "Is it not obvious?"

"Is he going back to Jay? Is that it?" I asked bitterly. "Well, I will not follow. I am tired of having to work for his love� So tired�"

"Well, if you do not like bending to the will of Alexander, doing only what he desires you to do, and being oppressed by him, then he is not for you, kid," Adhemar replied.

"But I cannot help it�" I answered. "I want to make him happy, but it hurts me to always have to do what he wants� But I love him, I love him so much� And because of that, I need him� I love him, so I do not want to imagine what it would be like without him�"

"I don't understand you, kid," Adhemar said. "Anyone else in your position would have left Alexander a long time ago."

I sighed. "I have to try to understand� I have to� wait for him, no matter how long it takes�"

"You are a saint, kid," Adhemar replied with amusement.

"I must not be� otherwise Alexander would want to be with me�" I said.

"He'll come back, kid," Adhemar said. "Hell, maybe he'll stay with you eight days next time before running off again."

"Not funny," I said, finally pulling away from his embrace.

"Just joking, kid." He smiled. "Oh, I almost forgot: Ella needs you downstairs," Adhemar said. "She feels really bad, too. You should help her with the lesson, kid."

"I can't�" I said. "People will see me like this� and I am hungry, too�"

"Listen, feed from me, and then go down and help Ella. And don't think about Alexander," he replied, wiping the remaining tears from my face. "Ella likes you, kid. She feels for you, so please help her. She is reluctant to do this without Alexander, anyway."

"I� I can't feed from you� Are you crazy?" I asked, my face beginning to flush.

"Why not? If you don't, you won't have time to feed before the lesson starts. I'll be alright," Adhemar said. When I was still reluctant, he continued, "It won't be as good as human blood, but it will help you to keep from biting the other students. Though that little bastard Judas deserves to be bitten, eh?"

I nodded in agreement, but then said, "But� won't I� hurt you?"

"Of course not, Arnon," he replied. "After you finish, get dressed and go down to Ella, alright? And I'll leave to go feed and look around for somewhere else to live. Fair enough?"

I nodded slowly.

"Good," Adhemar said, pulling me out of the coffin. "Very well, then. Do your worst," he said with a smirk, opening his arms to me.

I smiled at him, deciding to play along. I raised one of my hands up and placed it against his chest and slowly began pushing him towards my bed. When his legs touched the edge of the bed, he fell back onto it, his arms jetting out to pull me down with him. I ran my hands through his hair soothingly, then tilted his head to the side and wrapped my arms around his body beneath me. When I bit down gently on his neck, Adhemar winced slightly, but he held my head down as if to encourage me to continue. As I began to suck at the wound I had created, Adhemar moaned softly and tilted his head further to the side, giving me more room.

After several mouthfuls, I pulled back reluctantly.

"More, Sindor..." Adhemar whispered desperately, pulling my head down again.

To appease him, I bit down again, for the bite marks I had made a moment ago had already started to heal themselves, which caused Adhemar to gasp and shiver beneath me. I took only a little more blood, for I did not want to injure Adhemar by taking too much. I lapped gingerly at the two bite marks until they had healed completely.

When I was finished, I raised my head to look at Adhemar, to make sure he was alright.

He turned his head back to me slowly, his eyes slightly glazed. He ran his fingers softly over the sides of my face and said, "There. You're mine now."

"Am I?" I asked with amusement. "And what of Henmi?"

"He will be mine too, eventually," Adhemar replied with a smile.

"Oh, really?" I said sarcastically. "You plan on turning him?"

"I don't know� though he has asked�" Adhemar replied.

"Don't you get irritated by that?" I asked. "Alexander sure did when I kept asking�"

"Of course not," Adhemar replied. "He's all the more beautiful when he's desperate and begging."

"You� are shameless," I said.

"I know� But do you feel better now?" Adhemar asked, changing the subject.

"Yes� thank you�" I replied.

"I live to please, kid." Adhemar smiled. "Anyway, you'd best get ready for the lesson� Unless of course you want to stay here on top of me�"

I blushed and got off of him immediately. "Shameless�" I repeated.

Adhemar smirked as he stood up. "I'll be off, then. I'm going to look around for a while." He walked to the door and opened it. "Oh, keep my beloved boy company while I am away, won't you?"

I smiled and nodded.

"See you later, then, Arnon," he exited and closed the door quietly behind him.

I sighed and shook my head. Adhemar truly was a character.

I opened a dresser drawer and pulled out my light brown fencing uniform. I changed quickly, still not sure if I was in the mood for fencing, and went downstairs to see Ella.

She was pacing slowly but nervously in the front of the classroom. A few of the students had already arrived. She looked up at me as I walked towards her.

"What are we doing today?" I asked her. "I will help in any way I can."

"We are going to work on combination movements, Sindor," Ella replied, still seeming a bit anxious.

"Combination?" I asked.

"Yes. All of the stances we use today will not be new, but we will be putting several of them together to make mock duel movements," she answered. "If you would be so kind as to demonstrate everything again, just so the students will remember how to do the stances�"

"Of course," I replied immediately. "I will be happy to."

She nodded gratefully.

After all of the students arrived and were assembled in rows, Ella called them all to attention. "Class, my brother, unfortunately, has urgent business he must attend to in the north. I will instruct you for the time being instead, with Sindor here as my aid. Monsieur LeNoir is expected to arrive back in New Orleans in approximately two months, but that time may be longer depending on travel conditions."

My heart sank at the amount of time. I looked over at the other students to gage their reactions. Most of them looked confused and disappointed, but Judas looked irked. Henmi caught my gaze and shook his head at me as if to say 'Don't think about it.'

"For today's class," Ella continued, "We will first practice all of the stances you have learned thus far, and then you will pair up in partners to practice a set of motions that combines various stances that you know."

Ella walked the class through all of the stances that Alexander had taught us, and I demonstrated them in front of the class.

When we had finished with that, Ella told the class to watch while she and I demonstrated the new combinations.

"First, we both stand in the en garde position," Ella said. "One must always begin a duel in this position. Then, Sindor will lunge"--I did so--"And I will block it by pressing his sword downwards like Monsieur LeNoir taught you last lesson." She did so, then continued, "Next, Sindor will take a step back, and then lunge again. This time, I will push Sindor's sword up. Then I will take a step back and lunge at Sindor, and because Sindor's midsection is undefended, I will be able to strike him." She did so gently. "Now, I want everyone to find a partner and practice this. I will walk around to help you if you have any questions or need help."

Henmi, who was still under Judas' watchful eye, came over to be my partner, much to Judas' disappointment. After I helped Henmi for a few minutes, Ella came back up to the front of the classroom and said firmly, "Listen, class: Fencing is an art of grace. Speed is not important while you are beginners; try to get the technique down before trying to go so quickly. Going quickly as a beginner just makes you look sloppy. Go slow at first; this is not a race." She then walked back into the crowd of students to help out again.

For the remainder of the lesson, we all practiced this and several other combinations that Ella taught us.

After all of the students had left, only Ella, Henmi, and myself remained. Ella was exceptionally relieved to be through with the lesson. She began stacking mats against the wall, and said, "I am no good at this at all. I have never taught a class before. The students probably feel awkward having a woman for a teacher, anyway. I do not know if I can do this�"

"Don't give up," I said, helping her with the mats. "We'll help you� And you'll be able to teach us a whole lot. Teach us well so we will be able to best Alexander when he gets back."

She smiled. "Though that does sound appeasing at the moment, there is no way I will be able to teach you so much in such a short time. Alexander has been fencing for years, after all."

After we had finished placing all of the mats against the wall, Ella told me, "Sindor, I wish to go out and feed now, as I have not done so yet tonight. Will you be alright on your own with Henmi?"

I nodded. "We'll be fine. Adhemar said he will be back soon."

"Alright," she said, walking to the front door. "I will be back later, then." She closed the door behind her, leaving Henmi and I alone in the classroom.

I sat down against one of the walls, loneliness creeping up on me again. I was surprised that I had managed to keep my emotions concealed during the lesson.

Henmi sat down next to me and said, "Sin� try not to think about it�"

I sighed. "How can I not think about it? Alexander has left me� I will be lonely for months and you have to move away from me again�"

"We will be alright, Sin�" Henmi replied. "We just want you to be happy."

"I know�" I said, pulling my brother into an embrace. "�How did we ever get here, Henmi?"

He smiled. "I do not know, really. It was Alexander's doing, I think."

"If it wasn't for him, we might still be at the tavern."

"If it wasn't for him, you would be in prison, or worse, dead!" Henmi replied.

"I know�" I replied. "But I've missed you so much, Henmi� We have not had the chance to talk lately�"

"Maybe we can go somewhere tomorrow night if Adhemar does find us a house tonight," Henmi replied. "Just the two of us."

"That would be nice�" I replied. "Where shall we go?"

"Hmm� I don't know�" Henmi answered. "Adhemar usually knows about the goings-on of the town. We should ask him when he gets back."

I nodded in agreement and let him go. "Have you� packed your things yet?"

"Yes; I did so while Adhemar was talking to you," Henmi said.

We waited a little while longer, talking to one another causally, before Ella came back, a body over her shoulder. "Sindor, you did not see Sebrine go back upstairs, did you?"

"No; I think she is still in the basement�" I answered.

"Very well. I really do not know what I am going to do to get her to come out. I tried last night, but she would not budge," Ella answered, then moving to take the body down to Sebrine.

"The tiger eats people?" Henmi asked with slight disgust.

"Well, tigers can eat any sort of meat, but it is just easier if we take one of the bodies that we feed from to give to her," I said. "That way, we sort of� kill two birds with one stone, you know."

"Ah�" Henmi replied, still a bit uncomfortable.

A short while later, Adhemar returned, seemingly victorious in his search. "I found a little abandoned house a few blocks over. It could use some work, but I can see to having some people work on it," Adhemar said. "I asked around at local taverns, and the folk say that no one has lived there for about thirty years. I took a look inside, and it is rather bare, and definitely needs to be rid of tons of spider webs, but it looks livable. First, we need to move our things over there and unpack. There is just one bedroom, and that seems like the cleanest part of the house, thankfully. It has a pretty nice-sized closet, so my coffin could go there. The locks on the house were rusty, so I went to a locksmith just now to get new ones. He was rather annoyed that I woke him at such an hour, but I did pay him well, so he had no complaints."

Henmi and I smiled.

Adhemar continued, "Well, I haven't put the new locks in yet, but I will when we go over there. I wouldn't want anyone breaking in and stealing our abundance of possessions, now would I?" Adhemar smiled. "But tonight, Henmi, you and I can start cleaning out the bedroom, and tomorrow evening we can move on to different rooms--Oh, Henmi, I've totally forgotten! I have to take you somewhere to get something to eat tonight as well--forgive me! We�ll stop at a tavern on the way there."

"Alright," Henmi agreed, seeming rather excited about getting to go out with Adhemar.

Adhemar turned to me and said, "Arnon, I want you to stay here tonight, alright? You need a break. You can help us tomorrow night if you want. Oh--And the circus is in town, if you'd like to see that with Henmi."

Henmi blushed. "St-stop reading my mind�"

"I can't help it�" Adhemar said with mock sorrow.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" I asked.

"Absolutely none!" Adhemar said. "Go get some rest. We'll be fine. Come on, Henmi. You get to help me carry my coffin." Adhemar took Henmi's hand and led him up the stairs.

When they came back a moment later, Henmi was straining to hold up his side of the coffin, while Adhemar seemed to have no trouble with his end. I opened the front door for them.

"Well, we'll see you later then, Arnon," Adhemar said, going out the door first.

"Bye, Sin�" Henmi said weakly, following Adhemar out.

"Bye�" I said to the both of them as I watched them leave.

I sighed and closed the door. There, I thought, Now Alexander had better be happy when he returns.

I returned to my bedroom and laid down, feeling very tired indeed, and simply relaxed until sunrise when I entered my coffin to sleep, wishing that Alexander was back with me again.

*All the rights to Sindor (the graphics and text included) belong to Leah Jenner. No reproduction or republication without written permission.