Current...Past...Sin...Alexander...Forum...Notes...Survey...D-land

Anger and Suspicion.
2003-06-19 - 11:00 p.m.

At the end of the evening, I told Henmi that it would be warmer to sleep upstairs instead of the basement, but he still insisted upon sleeping with Adhemar. Henmi and Adhemar took several blankets from their old bedroom and moved them to the basement so Henmi could use them during the daytime. I, on the other hand, stalked up the stairs to my room, and to my coffin, which now only held one solitary member in it.

I missed Alexander so much. Henmi and Adhemar did not console me at all, and acted as if nothing had happened, and Ella said nothing. But despite her seemingly constant calm and collected exterior, I knew that she must been mourning internally. She must have missed Alexander as much as I.

Loneliness overcame me as I entered my coffin for the day. I couldn't forget the long amount of time that Alexander would be gone, so I could not stop my tears from falling when I was alone. I managed to stay as collected as possible around Adhemar, Henmi, and Ella, but by myself, it was just no use. My fa�ade diminished when I was alone.

I wondered if Alexander missed me at all, if he cared that I was away from him. Slight anger had overcome me when I heard of his departing, but that was gone now. I was simply so worried about him that nothing else mattered. The others, I decided, would think me wretched if I ever told them this. But it was true: Alexander was everything to me.

Of course I loved Henmi and Adhemar, and I liked Ella very much, but I was attached to Alexander in more ways than a mortal could ever be to another mortal: his blood was in my veins, I could hear his thoughts in my mind if I wished, and I truly was and always will be his creation, his child, his friend and lover. My being so close to Alexander made me think of mortal coupling as shallow.

The sun was rising rapidly, but I could not sleep; the pain in my heart was too great. I felt as if I was missing some part of me, some irreplaceable piece of me. Perhaps it was my vampire blood and its need to be near its original source. But whatever the case, I truly did not know what I was going to do without him.

I tried my best to sleep that evening, but insomnia overcame me on-and-off all throughout the daytime. I was thankful when the sun did fall, for I would get to be with the others now, and hopefully I would stop thinking of my beloved Alexander.

When I walked downstairs, I found that Henmi and Adhemar had just awoken as well, Henmi looking tired a little tired still.

"Hi, Arnon," Adhemar said with a smile. "Wanna go feeding with me?"

"Alright," I agreed, feeling hungry as well.

"Good. And you," he said to Henmi, who had just finished yawning. "Wake up." He kissed Henmi quickly, then took my arm and led me to the door.

I started walking in no particular direction, leaving my mind open for any signs of possible victims, but Adhemar took my arm again and pulled me in the opposite direction. "Let's go this way, kid, okay?"

"Okay�" I replied, not really understanding why he did not want me in that area. I looked over my shoulder, but could see nothing suspicious about the area we were walking away from; it was just a series of houses and inns.

When we did find two persons to feed from, we fed rather quickly, then headed back to the school. Henmi was waiting at the door for us.

"Is it time to go, Adhemar?" Henmi asked him. "I'm kind of hungry�"

"Where are you going?" I asked him.

"To eat," Henmi replied. "Adhemar said he'd take me to get something."

"�can I come, too?" I asked.

"Well, Arnon, despite how much we love your company�" Adhemar began. "Well, you see Arnon, it's kind of a date�"

"Adhemar!" Henmi said, blushing.

Adhemar shrugged. "Really, Arnon, having your older brother going along on a date with you seems rather awkward--"

"Fine, fine," I interrupted. "I will just go to the tavern to see how Christian is doing again."

"Arnon, why don't you just stay here?" Adhemar asked with a slight imperative tone.

"Because� I have nothing to do here�" I answered.

"You look pretty tired�" Adhemar replied. "Didn't you sleep well? You shouldn't go out when you need to just relax."

"But I do not want to stay here," I answered, somewhat desperately.

"Arnon, I am really worried about you�" Adhemar replied, full of concern, or what seemed like concern; I could never tell with Adhemar. He was an actor, after all. He continued, "You really should stay here�"

"Staying here will make things worse for me�" I said regretfully. "Can't I go to your house and clean or something? Anything?"

"Arnon, please," he pleaded.

"I don't understand you!" I said, defeated. "I do not understand why you are acting like this. What is going on?"

"Nothing, kid," Adhemar replied casually. "I just think you need a break, that's all. Play with Sebrine or something. We'll be back soon, alright? Then we will be with you, we promise." Henmi nodded to emphasize Adhemar's dialogue.

"Fine�" I said, looking to the ground, slightly angry. Henmi hugged me and Adhemar squeezed my shoulder affectionately before walking out of the school and into the night.

I walked angrily to the basement and lit several more candles scattered around the room. I then turned to Sebrine, who was curled up on one of the couches. "Why are they acting like that?" I asked her hostily. "Do you know?"

She purred softly without raising her head.

"Then why?" I exasperatedly asked her.

She growled slightly and slowly edged her way off of the couch, then stretched and yawned, paying little attention to me.

"You were being impossible before they started sleeping down here, and now you are roaming the house," I stated. "So what happened? Oh--you probably can't even understand me!" I fell onto a couch and laid on my side, my back to Sebrine.

I must have been tired, I must have dozed off or something, as the next thing I remember was Sebrine pawing at my leg, demanding me to turn over. I did so groggily, and heard Henmi and Adhemar entering the front door. I heard Ella's voice as well for a moment, and then the door close again. "Oh," I said to Sebrine. "Thanks. I guess� I guess I shouldn't have been so mean to you. You can't talk to defend yourself, after all." I stroked her back once. "I'm sorry, okay? I am just� worried about Alexander, that's all. It's making me feel really bad, and I am lashing out at people, and I don't mean to. Forgive me, okay?"

Sebrine purred and licked one of my hands, so I hoped that it meant that there was no hard feelings between us. I hoped that Adhemar and Henmi would forgive me as well; I knew that they were just worried about me. I shouldn't have been so angry with them.

I walked up the stairs to the kitchen, Sebrine right behind me. Henmi was starting up the stove again to keep warm, and Adhemar was trying to help him, despite his vampire-ignorance.

"Hey� Adhemar, Henmi?" I said. They both looked up at me. "I'm really sorry� I shouldn't have gotten angry�"

Adhemar smiled. "It's alright, kid. We know how you're feeling. But I promise you, Alexander will be back before you know it. Just be patient with him."

I sighed, then slumped down into a chair. "How can you say that? He will be gone for months. What if he just decides to stay wherever he went�?"

"Arnon, he would never do that," Adhemar answered. "He loves you too much, kid."

"That's not what you said a few nights ago�" I said, suspicious.

"I'm a changed man, Arnon," Adhemar said with a smirk, standing up and pulling two chairs over by the stove. "Care to join us, Arnon? I tell fictional stories, too." He smiled.

I scooted my chair over to them and sat back down. "What?" I said with mock-disbelief. "You mean the ones last night weren't fiction?"

"H-hey, I don't lie about life," Adhemar replied. "Life was great. But� I think it is better now." He kissed Henmi's forehead.

I smiled. "I know� You wouldn't lie to us, right?"

He smiled back. "I would never lie, Arnon."

Ella came to join us later. She had been out feeding, or so I assumed. We spent the evening talking as well, just like the previous night. Before sunrise, we went back to our coffins--or couches--to sleep through the daytime. Before drifting to sleep, I remembered that we had a fencing lesson tomorrow, and I wondered what kind of technique Ella would be teaching us at the lesson. The daytime came quickly, and I drifted off to another sorrowful night of sleep.

*All the rights to Sindor (the graphics and text included) belong to Leah Jenner. No reproduction or republication without written permission.