Current...Past...Sin...Alexander...Forum...Notes...Survey...D-land

The Peril of Survival.
2003-08-26 - 8:50 p.m.

We had been sailing only a month when I began to regret ever leaving the city of New Orleans, only, of course, because of my feeding accommodations.

When I was mortal and sailed with Alexander back to New Orleans, I thought him unable to control himself after a couple nights without feeding. But I now was so much weaker than he had been. In New Orleans, I had become accustomed to feeding almost every evening, rarely missing a night.

But now I was miserable.

Of course, I was fine any evening that we did feed, and even the evening after I was not too uncomfortable, but the second night without having fed always made me feel ill, starving, and needy. Once we tried to last a third night without feeding, but I could not bear the wait any longer than that.

When I was hungry after having not eaten for a couple nights, I would ask Alexander to hold me tightly, in hopes that my shivering would stop. I shook terribly when I was most in need of blood, unable to stop myself from doing so. My stomach felt as if it would tear itself apart if I did not fill it immediately. I prayed to whatever deity would listen that the voyage be quick. Truly, I did not like the boat ride for any reasons, other than that Alexander was with me.

I realized also that he was so much stronger than I. But then again, I am sure it was because he was older, more experienced in survival techniques than I.

During the nights without feeding, Alexander taught me various stances, lunges, and blocks with our practice swords, and I tried in vain to keep up with him. Without a full stomach, my head ached, and it was harder than normal to concentrate.

Alexander, in trying to lighten my spirits, promised that, the night we arrived in France, he would find me a tavern or brothel where I might have as much blood as I desired. I smiled, then playfully told him to stop talking of blood, for it only made me more and more hungry.

Alexander soothed my aching body in other ways, though.

When my muscles were tight from fighting back the urge to find blood, he would roll me onto my stomach on our bed and massage my tense shoulders and back firmly with his skilled hands to relax me. It felt heavenly.

When we were bored, he would recite old French poetry to me that he has learned as a boy, and I listened intently, warmed with the fact that Alexander wanted to entertain me.

He told me all about his brothers and sister in France, how they acted when they were younger, how old they should be now, fond memories he had of them, and other such things. I was happy that he was trying to open himself up to me, and I in return did the same. I really did not know what to say to him at first, but eventually I thought of stories of Henmi and myself, or of our father, and other stories as well.

Also, he spoke of where we would be staying in France, and I was taken aback by the amount of money he was spending on our living accommodations. I still was not used to being a vampire in that we seemingly have as much money as we desire, albeit we obtain it illegally.

One evening, I began thinking about what Alexander had said the second night that we were at sea. He spoke that I really did not want to be a vampire, that I only wanted to be with him. I thought and thought, and concluded that it might be true. It would be so much easier if I could eat real food, if I could be up and about in the day time, if I did not have to kill anyone.

No, I did not want to be a vampire.

But, I decided, all of it was worth it. Without this life of mine, I could not be with Alexander. He was my all, my one and only love. I knew I would be miserable without him.

I thought also of Henmi. I was no longer worried about him, as the distance brought calmness to my mind regarding him. I hoped he was alright while I was gone. I decided then that I would write to Henmi after a few days of being in Paris, to tell him what it was like. I am sure he would like it. I hoped that, in the future, Adhemar might take Henmi somewhere, perhaps to Egypt. Adhemar missed his parents desperately, after all.

Aside from my thoughts and my time with Alexander, there was little to do on the boat itself. I was bored from time to time, wishing we would be to France soon. Again I prayed that we would arrive safely and quickly, so that Alexander and I could do more together in Paris.

*All the rights to Sindor (the graphics and text included) belong to Leah Jenner. No reproduction or republication without written permission.